The Virtue of Being Rash

Strategic blundering has become a hallmark for our Heroes, enabling them to foil plots foul and sinister through a combination of dumb luck and bull-headed arrogance.  When last we left our heroes the group had discovered the ancient dwarven ruins but appeared unable to reach the doors to that ancient vault.  A mostly sheer cliff stood between our heroes and their prize.  Undaunted, the Elf Lorenot sensing trepidation on part of his dwarven and halfling companions took it upon himself to climb up.

When the ridiculous bath towel caped elf made it to the top, the jailer Anika soon followed and eventually, by a reluctant Axel as well.  Only dour Grim stood at the bottom unable or unwilling to trust his fortune to the dangling rope and dubious strength of his companions.  "Nay," he declared, "A proper dwarf tackles such things with engineering and cunning!"  Some half day later, with the assistance of a wandering elven scout, Grim had constructed himself a ramp of rubble enabling to clamber up to the ledge with body and dignity intact.

In the meantime the others had explored the great vault discovering first a gleaming bronze door replete with some symbol whose provenance turned out to be entirely unknown to any of the three members of the vanguard.  Unable to read and not caring much for matters scholarly anyway, all three charged through only to discover a volcanic flood had claimed portions of the ancient stronghold.  Slow moving rivulets of lava and crusts of cooled material created a zig-zag path that tested the heroes sorely.  Indeed, so paralytically slow was their progress that grim and the scout managed to catch up by the time they had navigated their way to the far end.

Upon reaching the first of the main caverns the group saw the remnants of a surface market.  Stalls with goods still very much in evidence lay abandoned as they had some millenia earlier when the ancient place had been abandoned after a particularly savage Greenskin raid.  The market had truly once been a wondrous place serving as a trading spot for rare and precious metals as well as quality dwarf-make metal goods.  The group plundered what few salvageable items were to be had with Grim making note of the remaining bits for later use in crafting.

Several caverns lead off of the market cave and, knowing that lava and dusty old tunnels inspire a powerful thirst, Lorenot charged down the tunnel ostensibly marked as a "tavern".  He was sorely disappointed with the offerings through Anika seemed more than happy to drain cask after cask, double-fisting tankards in so doing.  Further explorations revealed that some of the doomed dwarves had made their final stand here.  Trestle tables lay up-ended and bones and debris lay scattered about.  The heroes were especially pleased to discover that the defenders had held their position with the use of three blunderbusses.  A small store of shot and powder remained enabling the party to make use of the hand canons at least a few more times.

The group continued to wend its way deeper into the tunnels locating a secret store of documents.  The greater treasure, however, was found beneath secret panels.  Unfortunately, the group's ability to disarm traps was perhaps not entire up to the task.  Fortunately Grim was able to use his body shield to protect himself from the worst of the blasts on those rune-secured cabinets he was unable to efface.  The treasures within yielded a few more choice goods while the party stumbled upon n even greater trove.  A secret panel revealed an ancient armory, presumably belonging to the ancient ruler of the dwarven city.

Encouraged by their discoveries and armed to the teeth the band pressed onward.  Another secret door led the party into a portion of the stronghold still swarming with the descendants of the Greenskin horde that had taken the city so many centuries earlier.  The door was cleverly concealed as evidenced by the fact that the southern half of the stronghold had not been plundered quite so thoroughly as had the goblin infested areas.  The band tracked the goblin raiders back to the old king's throne room and blanched at the goblin town that had grown up within its borders.

Rude huts scattered across the great cavern and bands of lazy goblin warriors lounged idly, evidently unaware of their approaching doom.  Knowing that the Greenskins possessed superior numbers, Grim proposed that the goblins be lured into the tunnels where the narrow passages would impede and constrict their attack.  The heroes would unleash the fury of their new blunderbusses on the packed horde, retreating when necessary to reload.  Grim also boldly recommended that the fleet footed elves kick off the celebration by poking the goblin king full of elven arrows.  That, he surmised, ought to get their attention.

By some mystery of circumstance and astonishing good fortune, the plan came together like a well-oiled halfling.  The packed goblin ranks were decimated by concerted blunderbuss fire as the dwarves held the front lines chanting "It's Hammer Time - You Can't Touch This" even as the elves rained arrows on the mob and Axel steadily reloaded the blunderbusses. 

By the time the smoke cleared and the last of the warriors had fallen Grim's blood-rage was up.  he and Anika rushed forward putting the remaining survivors to the hammer though Anika spared a few by binding them with her trusty manacles.  Appalled at the slaughter but powerless to stop it, Axel could only look on in dismay.  the elf scout likewise stared on in horror at the savagery of the dwarven duo while Lorenot contented himself plundering the dead.

Just what new adventures, feats of barbarity or stunning incompetence the gang gets up to next, who knows?

The best things in life are worth killing for

Having freshly liberated Spookyton the heroes decided to go on a shopping spree.  Naturally, Spookyton itself was a poor choice given that most of its inhabitants were either dead, dying or undead so the band made its way to the nearest settlement filled with living people.  Lorenot the elf wandered off in his dingy bath towel cape doing whatever mysterious thing it is elves do in the forest by themselves while Axel, Anika and Grim did the actual shopping.

The band decided that getting a wagon might be a good idea ever since the soldier, the cook and the toll keeper absconded with the pony cart.  Recognizing that none of the band was particularly adept at driving wagons of any size, they wisely decided to hire a pair of mercenaries who could manage the vehicle.  After securing the necessary gear and supplies it was decided to venture back toward Evil Sausageburgh and its dreaded Black Keep.

En route, however, the band was assaulted by Greenskins as the company made camp for the night.  The Greenskins were accompanied by a Chaos caster whose fell magic appears to have soured the mercenary Ullrich's stomach (or so he would claim).  The pitched battle, fought mostly in darkness, left Axel once more teetering between life and death.  As the bold halfling would later recall events 'The tanks went into the forest as a group leaving the paper mache guys all by themselves."

Fortunately Lorenot chose this very moment to reappear.  Shouting the elven word of power "D'oh!" he caused the Greenskin menacing Axel to drop his great cleaver.  The elf followed up with a rain of arrows that combined with Axel's flurry of daggers finally felled the creature.  The Greenskins in the woods also came to a bad end but, as neither elf nor halfling witnessed the battle, the goblins may have just died of natural causes of their own accord.  Natural causes for goblins consisting of various stabbing and slashing wounds.

The band faced a dilemma at this point.  The Black Keep still lay a couple of days travel further along but the presence of Greenskins so deep in the territory bespoke of a different and perhaps more pressing need.  Grim convinced the mercenaries to return to Spookyton and to return in a week's time.  The Ill-Fated Brigade had decided to track down the goblins and exterminate them to the last monster.  Which proved easier said than done.

One major obstacle facing the group was their decidedly urban inclinations.  The group turned to Lorenot and trusted in his elven sense to lead them.  little did they realize he was more a Bath elf than a wood elf.  Still, heritage helped and he managed to guide the band toward some ancient dwarven ruins.  The Brigade had heard tell of dwarven riches materializing in the nearby towns though none professed to know from whence these riches came.

It took very little time for the company to unravel the mystery - the goblins had been plundering a long-neglected dwarven tomb.  This aroused much anger in both Anika and Grim and the thought of evil-slaying and gold gathering held distinct appeal to the mercenary hearted halfling and elf.  Besides, what else was there to do in a spooky, ancient forest filled with blood-thirsty Greenskins, dwarven ghosts and not a decent massage available for two days travel in any direction? 

The choice made, Lorenot discovered ancient magics at play and sensed that a greater evil than any they had yet encountered still lay ahead.  This knowledge did not cause the band to quiver or quail but instead hardened their hearts to the task ahead.  Would the Ill-Fated Brigade again triumph over evil or would their moss covered bones serve as a grim reminder to future adventurers? 

Tune in next month to find out....

To the left, to the left....

With darkness impending and the child, whose name still escapes me, soon to fall prey to the evil infesting town, the heroes inexplicably split up.  Alic, Alfed and Bertold, unwilling to spend another night in the wretched town of Treva, decided to head west and establish a toll at the river crossing.  Alfred's cookies proved especially popular even if Bertold and Alice's menacing wasn't and the trio earned a decent living at the task. 

All of this, naturally, occured after Alice's discovery of a hair cutting bowl in the village.  Knowing that the dwarf Anika was training to be a barber-surgeon, she offered her the bowl and the use of Bertold's head to experiment with.  Bertold had taken a little too much of the sour drink passing itself as mead in the town inn.  Unconscious and looking somewhat shaggy, he seemed the perfect subject for the experiment.  besides which, the hair cutting bowl was sized to human heads.  After giving Bertold his new haircut Anika came to the conclusion that the path of the barber-surgeon was not one to which she showed any aptitude.  the path of the interrogator and torturer however....

Meanwhile, the remaining halfling, dwarves and elf decided to take the demon by the horns.  Grim refused to surrender the child to whatever dark forces possessed the town and tasked Anika with securing the child.  Apparently the party briefly forgot who the heroes were as the child was trussed up and gagged even as the count's sinister carriage came don the hill to collect his child bride.  The idea was to protect the child despite appearances to the contrary.

Knowing that no god could possibly come of this union, Lorenot the elf, learning a lesson from last time, opted to use his bow on the count's men.  Oh, if only they had been men.  The arrows slashed through armor and withered flesh only to reveal the horror of the truth behind these grim guardsmen.  The knowledge briefly incapacitated Axel even as Anika and grim prepared to defend the upper floor of the smithy.  Fortunately the guards were slow footed and Lorenot was able to down several of the creatures before they gained access to the smithy.

Even as Axel regained his wits and he and the elf continued to pelt the advancing guards, Grim and Anika became aware of a sinister undead captain forming in the room from foul mists.  Anika gamely charged the creature only to smack into the wall.  The mighty warrior raised his sword to smite the impertinent Grim but, through a combination of skill and good fortune, the dwarven rune bearer managed to escape certain death even as he smote the creature.

Meanwhile, the elf and hagfling toppled an armoire down the stairs, smashing one of the guards and badly damaging another leaving only a few of the things left standing.  The battle to dispatch the creatures was swift and bloody with Axel sustaining a near fatal wound in defense of the house.  An odd aspect of the battle, and of those that followed, was an almost supernatural tendency to hit enemies in the left arm.

Knowing that whatever evil magic the count controlled would only grow stronger with time Grim encouraged the others to strike at the count sooner rather than later.  Though Lorenot and Axel were still weary from battle and blood loss, they conceded the wisdom of his words.  gathering up their weapons and some hastily assembled equipment, they boldly marched on the ruins of the fortified mansion the count claimed as his own.

Through uncanny good luck and skill at arms, the band finally gained access to the inner sanctum.  In true heroic fashion, the band smashed and laid waste to everything even remotely evil looking (not to mention some perfectly innocuous and harmless trinkets and decorations).  Having bulled through a series of traps and dispatched even more undead minions, Grim at last confronted the evil necromancer Troy in his lair.  Grim managed to survive all manner of perils before finding a chance to smite the foul wizard.  Having suffered some grievous injuries en route, the others were somewhat slower in arriving.  As Anika dodged and weaved her way forward, Lorenot loosed a last arrow that severed a major artery in the wizard's causing him to fall dead at Grim's feet.

With the evil cleaned from the town, the weird, unwholesome mist that shrouded the valley dissipated as goodness was again able to infuse the region.  Over the next month the dwarves completed their restoration of the forge turning out and endless tide of crappy hammers and exceptional armor.  meanwhile Lorenot and Axel traveled to a nearby town whereupon Axel found religion and Lorenot discovered the rudiments of magic.  Armed with their new found powers, the band returned to Treva to plot their revenge against the wicked folk of Malcano and their ratmen allies.

The Misfits of Righteous Indignation

** Note** Due to simmering tensions, an expanding plaer base and the need to divert a potential player vs. player situation, our regular Song of Ice and Fire campaign has been temporarily suspended.  In it's place we journery to the dark and despicable Empire of Warhammer Fantasy Roleplaying (2nd Edition).

To see them traveling together, one would assume the band was a tarvelling carnival of some sort or another.  Three halflings, two dwarves, a human and an elf made their way along the mountain passes headed to the Sausage Festival in some wretched little town.  If not for the happenstance of fate and the foreknowledge that the roads were dangerous, perhaps such a group would never have found itself in one another's company.

As the dwarvess Annika proclaimed, "I just want sausage, dammit."

The band consisted of a confidence man, a cook, a soldier, a tollkeeper, a gaoler, a rune bearer, a failed entertainer and a shady toll keeper.  Each member of the troupe had its own reasons to be on the road.  Some were simply afflicted by wanderlust while others were escaping the drudgery of their past lives.  A deeper connection had to do with their own sense of propriety and justice, something the road ahead was sorely lacking.

That any of them individually could have survived the trek was never in doubt - they could not.  City bred or better suited to the company of others, they plodded along barely able to keep starvation and disaster at bay.  With their talents combined, however, it seemed this miserable band could at least make it from town to town.

What became apparent was that this part of the Empire has been in slow but steady decline for some time.  the roads were in poor repair and many travelers had fallen prey to banditry and attack.  This much was borne out by the fact that a warrior priest lay slain and abandoned along the roadside.  Lorenot the elf took advantage of the priest's misfortunes and salvaged what he could from the corpse.  many of his compatriots, though used to the carnage that accompanies the wilder areas of the Empire, found the elf's actions disturbing if not wholly distasteful.  Still, the glimmer of gold was enough to assuage their guilt at least for the time being.

Upon arrival, the band took note of the erratic and lackadaisical actions of the town guard.  Though protected by high, stout walls, the presence of voracious ratmen and bandits did not seem to engender any particular sense of urgency among the town fathers.  Indeed, it soon became apparent that this indifference may have been purposefully cultivated.  A pawn shop gathered and disposed of random wares, the type of plunder one would expect to harvest from travellers exposed to misfortune in the region.  Likewise, the sausage maker Hanse, though locally famed for his product, didn't strike the band as being entirely honest nor trustworthy.

This mistrust was put to the test during the group's first night in town.  The town gate shut promptly as evening fell and yet, a disturbance in the night aroused members of the company.  Looking out from the confines of the fortified inn, members of the group spotted a wagon making a meat delivery in the middle of the night.  Furthermore, the deliverymen had a decidedly inhuman gate that would later reveal them to be ratmen.

Lorenot and Bertoldt the toll keeper decided to confront the ratmen.  Respectable sausage makers did not receive mystery meat deliveries in the middle of the night, and certainly not from wagons that blithely enter the town after everything should have been closed up for the night.  Unable to contain their unease, the elf and the human pursued the ratmen as they attempted to make good their escape.

The battle was fierce but decisive with the pair managing to slay the foul beasts, though Lorenot sustained grave injuries in the process.  Fortunately, the combined care of the dwarvess gaoler Annika and the halfling soldier Alice were able to patch up the worst of his wounds.  Their attempts to confront the sausage maker with his foul deeds was briefly sidetracked by the cook Alfred's inability to confirm just what manner of flesh was contained in the ratemen's delivery.

"The meat is people!" Lorenot shrieked from deep inside the sausage factory's larder.

Though the band pointed out serious flaws in the town's defensive plans, the town fathers seemed to casually ignore the group's protestations.  Only after receiving recompense for their disturbed sleep was the band promptly booted out of town to await the town fathers' judgment.  Convinced that there would be no justice, the band made out for the north to the next town along the road - Treva.

The lure of the ruins of the Black Keep, though rife with possibility, also bore with it the high probability that adventurers were routinely sent there only to fall at the hands of the ratmen.  With the elf still in dire circumstance, the band decided to make for the next town as quickly as possible, there to rest and re provision for a return journey to the keep.

Upon arriving at treva, the band found this miserable hamlet to also be in an advanced state of disrepair.  the wall was barely sufficient to keep rabbits at bay, let alone attackers.  the surrounding fields and forests were virtually barren of wildlife, the animals no doubt frightened by the pall of despair and evil that hung over the area.  the presence of the unnamed and unnameable baron high atop the rocky crag did little to inspire confidence in the town's leadership.

This was further tested when the con halfling found that a lone child, probably an orphan of some predation or another, lived next door to the abandoned smithy.  The child eagrly awaited her marriage to the baron on the hill, despite being only eight years old.  The curious state of the hamlet's absurdly large cemetery only added to the growing unease of the band.

As Grimal the rune bearer pointed out "Those graves look like more things came out than went in."

Will the dwarf's proclamation prove prophetic?  Will Bertoldt gamble away the band's meager possessions before the next big payday?  Will Alice ever awaken from her seemingly inescapable nighttime reverie?  Is there anywhere that Axel and Alfed can't get kicked out of?  Can Annika ever get close enough to an enemy to bear him to the ground and produce a prisoner?  is an elven entertainer even capable of earning an honest day's age?

These and other questions will be answered in the next installment of the company's chronicles.